Displaying Review 6 - 10 of 18 in total

• A film more golden than its army. — for Hellboy II: The Golden Army
  Written by OhLookBirdies on 29.10.2009

  Hellboy 2 is something out of that incredibly rare breed of film, the kind where a sequel is actually better than its predecessor. The first Hellboy is not actually a bad film, but it's hardly a masterpiece of contemporary cinematography. It conjures up images of 1950's B-movies, although it's admittedly a fair few steps above those in overall quality and, of course, special effects.

  The Golden Army, however, is simply a very good film. It's clever, witty, captivating, moderately sentimental where it should be and, above all, incredibly beautiful. Scenes like the Troll Market, which is a perfect cross between your standard marketplace, and a fantasy world. It's loud, crowded, confusing, and charming, and although it's filled with creatures seemingly spawned from dream or nightmare alike, most of which do not even speak English or, in fact, any human language at all, the "Busy market on a saturday afternoon" vibe is present all throughout it.

  Or the subterranean city underneath the Giant's Causeway in Ireland (On a side note, go there if you get the chance. It's very pretty.), which is completely convincing as a once-grand city, now lost to death and decay. You can almost smell the dust, or hear the echoing of your voice in the dead streets.

  Of course, aestheticism is but one part of a film, but rest assured, the story is just as good. In a fast-paced 2 hours, we are taken through a story of elves out for revenge, human-fish hybrids finding love, demon spawn on a mission to save his love, employees' disagreements with their superiors, jealousy, friendship, nostalgia, and of course a lot of (once again) visually stunning fights.

  All in all, I recommend you watch Hellboy because it's good entertainment, and it will give you some background information you don't really need, but makes the second one just a bit more clearer. Watch Hellboy 2, however, because it's an amazing film.

• Kitty? — for Monsters, Inc.
  Written by OhLookBirdies on 07.11.2009

  Looking through the list of reviews I've written so far, I must admit this one does stick out a bit, subject-wise. All the other films I've discussed involve lots of blood, fire, violence and more of such pleasantries. But what can I say? I also happen to love Disney and Pixar.

  So, enough about me, let's talk about the film. Monsters, Inc. is one of those films that is an instant classic. Of course, aesthetically it's already a masterpiece. The attention to detail apparent in its every aspect is simply stunning. Monsters with a thick, furry coat whose every hair moves separately, monsters with twenty eyes, all of which have correct pupil reflexes... I could write a thousand words, simply marvelling about how every little thing is in the right place, but I shan't, because it would probably get a bit boring.

  Onwards to the story. Because, as much fantasy and imagination has been applied to the visual side of the film, the story has clearly been created by people of equal or even higher imaginative genius. Even the basic premise is a work of art: An entire city of monsters, a select few of whom come out of closets and scare human children, not out of malice but because a child's scream is their form of energy, which can be refined into electrical power? That is just brilliant. Top scarer Sulley and bumbling assistant Mike are as multi-dimensional and likeable as any three 'real' film protagonists you could care to name, and baddie Randall, brilliantly voiced by Steve Buscemi is as slimy and untrustworthy as anything. And then there's the little side stories, like Bigfoot, The Abominable Snowman and Nessie being real, because they're monsters who were banished from Monstropolis for reasons unknown, or Mike's love affair with a monster whose hairdo is Medusa-esque but whose rage when she gets stood up by Mike is far scarier than said Gorgon ever was in the myths.

  The real star of the film, though, is the human child who is the cause of much panic throughout the film, because monsters firmly believe human children are incredibly toxic. This child, lovingly dubbed "Boo" by Sulley, after her tendency to jump out and scare people, never speaks in anything more coherent than an incredibly cute gibberish, yet still somehow manages to project a screen presence that is larger than a monologuing Laurence Olivier in a Shakespearian play.

  Okay, I'm probably exaggerating on that last point, because I'm biased. After all, Boo is a lot cuter than Sir Olivier. But my point still stands, if maybe slightly more nuanced.

  I guess what I'm trying to say is, I like Monsters, Inc. a whole lot. Go watch it.

• Wild Wild WTF? — for Wild Wild West
  Written by OhLookBirdies on 18.11.2009

  Let's get this out of the way first: Wild Wild West is not actually a good film. It is delightfully terrible in every possible way, but despite that, I love it.

  The storyline? Ridiculous. A mad doctor, who wants to make his fortune by forcing the president to sell off the United States, or else he will destroy the country with his giant, steam-powered spider robot.

  The heroes? A black captain and a self-proclaimed master-of-disguise and inventor US Marshal, who of course spend the entire film arguing, as is tradition in this sort of comedy.

  The special effects? Technically well done, but once again, utterly ridiculous. There's the aforementioned robot spider, a prehistoric motorbike turned into an aeroplane, a hypno-disc bra, magnetized collars at which giant revolving sawblades are fired... The list goes on.

  The jokes are stale, the acting is so over the top it becomes a parody of acting, the sex scenes aren't sexy, the action scenes are completely beyond belief, the plot twists aren't very twisty, and yet, like I mentioned earlier, none of this seems to matter.

  So yeah. I will gladly admit to this film being one of my guilty pleasures. It's a bit like eating hamburgers: You know there's nothing good in them, you know they make you fat and give you acne, and yet you can't help but enjoy them, every time you have one.

• Underworld? Yes. Underwear? Probably not. — for Underworld
  Written by OhLookBirdies on 19.11.2009

  Okay, let's not beat around the bush. The main reason I bought Underworld was because it had Kate Beckinsale in a very tight leather outfit on the front cover. It turned out to be a pretty good film in its own right too, though.

  The story is a bit of a horror flick/detective story hybrid. Vampires and werewolves are real, and they've been fighting for the last fuck knows how many centuries. We get dropped into the story when the vampires think they have almost wiped out the entire Lycan race, as they call werewolves. However, it soon turns out they have actually been plotting plotty things in secret, and there are actually a lot more of them than the vampires think. Vampire Selene, who is a Death Dealer (I have a death metal album somewhere called that, I think.), traces and attacks a pair of Lycans as they try to kidnap a human. She wants to investigate the matter, because it is weird that Lycans should be interested in humans. The vampire currently in charge of the coven, however, forbids her to.

  Things happen, people get shot, and it soon turns out the Lycans are after humans from one particular bloodline, because if they find the right one, they will be able to make a vampire/werewolf hybrid, which will be stronger than either separate race. Of course, the vampires ain't happy at this, so they set out to put the bad doggies back on their leash.

  Underworld looks pretty, the acting is quite good, and the story stays interesting. To be honest, most of the plot twists can be seen coming, but that's not a bad thing, because the whole film is intended to be more action than whodunnit anyway. If you want unexpected twists, I recommend you take a nightly drive through a forest on a mountain. If you're just looking for a decent supernatural creature feature, though, why not try Underworld?

  One last thing: I absolutely refuse to believe that skintight leather and 6 inch heels are practical clothing for hunting and killing werewolves. But what the hell, I'm not complaining. And everything is better than that corset-and-curtain ensemble Kate Beckinsale wore in Van Helsing.

• My name's Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman. — for Snatch.
  Written by OhLookBirdies on 21.11.2009

  Sometimes in life, you will stumble upon something so perfectly made, so utterly brilliant in every aspect, so completely flawless, it's like finding an eighty six carat diamond inside a dog. Snatch is one of those gems.

  Just for the record, I'm not saying Snatch is the perfect film. But I am saying that there is nothing that could be changed about it to make it better in its own frame of reference. To clarify my point, imagine it's a 90 carat rough diamond. No matter how expertly you polish and grind it, it will never be a 200 carat diamond. But you can get a fantastic 86 carat diamond if you play your cards right.

  The cast is jaw-droppingly good. Benicio del Toro, Jason Statham, Alan Ford, Brad Pitt, Robbie Gee, Vinnie Jones... The list goes on, and every single one is in top form. Brad Pitt outshines this collective glowing pool of acting abilities though, and stands tall as a lighthouse over all. Personally, I'd say his portrayal of gypsy boxer Mickey is the best thing he has ever done.

  The story is fantastic. It's the kind of Spaghetti Junction mess that doesn't make sense when you're in the middle of it, but looks perfectly clear when considered from a distance, or in this case at the end of the film. The action scenes are incredibly well done, and trust me, there's enough violence in this to keep even the most hardened psychopath happy. Well, except maybe for Charlie Manson. But he's a freak.

  And of course, not unimportantly, the entire film is fucking hilarious. I have seen Snatch at least a dozen times, and I still can't stop laughing whenever I watch it. The dialogue, the slapstick, the complete and utter absurdism of some scenes, it all adds up to a big truckload of hilarity.

  So yeah, all in all, Snatch is one of my favourite films ever. Let me finish this on a warning note, though. If you watch this, you WILL end up quoting it in every conversation you have for the next 3 days, at least.