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Wonder Woman (2017)

No Wonder Woman — Written by yippiekayay on 21.08.2018

CONTAINS SPOILERS

When seeing the pristine, unweathered clothing worn by the women in the first scenes of Wonder Woman during their training exercise, I find myself questioning the authenticity of my copy of Wonder Woman and check if I'm watching an episode of Xena: Warrior Princess. Unfortunately, I'm not.

There is literally not a single crease to find in our young protagonist's outfit and though this might sound as nitpicking it takes me out of the movie instantly.

The amount of cuts in the first action scene camouflage the fact the actresses don't have any fighting skills and the slow-motion is so overused that this movie is really getting on my nerves right from the get-go. Normally I wouldn't be so fast to judge, but Jenkins' work on this project was so heavily praised I can't help but to wonder what our standards and expectations are when watching a (superhero) movie these days.
Three random guys get killed by one shot of three arrows and the way they go down makes me chuckle.
Am I getting too old for this shit?

At one point some German general played by Danny Huston gets into a conversation with Dr. Poison. These two Germans apparently think it's necessary to converse in English instead of in their native language and I'm actually considering to stop watching.

Right before the next battle I recall the articles about what this movie allegedly did for female characters in movies, but when Wonder Woman throws off her long coat to reveal her great body to single handedly eliminate the enemy soldiers as naked as possible I don't get why this is any different from the ass shots we already know and love. It's not self aware like Coralie Fargeat's Revenge (which had a budget of less than 3 million, unlike this movie having a budget of more than 120 million) and if someone were to ask me to recommend them a great movie containing with a fantastic heroine it would be that movie over Wonder Woman every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

After the battle sequence there's a short love scene between Wonder Woman and Chris Pine's character and though I know better, I hope to see something that resembles a sideboob just to give me a reason to continue watching this mess. This movie is just no fun at all.

Finally we get to the final fight scene between Wonder Woman and Ares and it comes as no surprise it's nothing more than two characters who take turns punching eachother with a lot of CGI and very little impact. There's no threat and no consequence and the predictability is head-aching.
I start daydreaming about Ares actually winning the fight and killing Wonder Woman (optional rape) just to mess with our heads and I wonder how many points I'd add to my rating if this were to really happen.

Right before the final blow there's a dialogue between the two:

ARES: “They do not deserve your protection!”
WW: “It’s not about deserve… It’s about what you believe… And I believe in love.”

I start laughing and give the movie a 3 out of 10.

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