If, 20 years ago, I said to you that they would be making films based on toys you'd have probably laughed in my face. However, with Transformers (and it's sequel), Bratz and upcoming films based on everything from Stretch Armstrong to Monopoly, toys are very much in vogue. The latest is G.I Joe: Rise of Cobra, based on the figures of the same name (the USA's answer to Action Man). Directed by Stephen Sommers, who has a proven track record when it comes to fun Summer blockbusters, and with a decent cast of good-looking young talent, G.I Joe only has to achieve a tone of fun, camp silliness to get my thumbs up. Unfortunately it doesn't. For a start, it's way way too long. 2 hours for this type of film is excessive to say the least. Action scenes that could have been fun and effective are dragged out way longer than is necessary, and so essentially just become loud noises and pretty pictures. It feels like your watching a kid playing with their toys. Add to that, every character has a ridiculous accent (Christopher Eccleston is Scottish. Sienna Miller is American. The big black guy from the Mummy is cockney) as well as completely superflous flashbacks. Honestly every character, no matter how minor, is given an extensive backstory. There are flashes of what this film could have been, i.e fun, silly, irrevent. Instead, Sommers clearly thinks he's making Citizen Kane rather than a film based on a toy. G.I Joe just ends up coming across as Team America: World Police played straight. An American superteam go around policing the World, causing inadvertant havoc. Heck, even Paris gets destroyed. It all leads to a completely ridiculous final third, full of stupid twists that make no sense, clearly just there to set up a sequel. This film was way more boring than it should have been. To go into a film like G.I Joe expecting a classic is a massive delusion, but it isn't too much to ask to expect some silly mindless fun. Instead, we get a film that takes itself too seriously, is about 30 minutes too long, features awful dialogue and preposterous plotpoints and character motivations. Yawnsville. Sienna Miller looked hot though